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Summary # 1: Notice the use of which in the first sentence, "which educate the vast majority of the nation’s students." By introducing the clause with a pronoun-determiner non-restrictive clause, it sets the stage for ambiguity in the following sentences. Obviously, colleges and universities "educate the vast majority." An effective summary needs to exclude just such irrelevant, non-restrictive clauses. The very next sentence in the opening paragraph contains that, introducing a restrictive clause, essential information revealing the topoi of cause-effect and time. Scanning through the text, the numerical interrogatives and bullet points shows an inordinate use of the conjunction and, creating numerous run on sentences throughout. Those particular sentences and the coordinating conjunctions involved need to be eliminated by adding more simplified, shorter sentences. (Technical Communication Handbook, 169)
That is especially necessary for the interrogative aspects of the summary.
Summary #2: The same structural shortfall appears in this document, such as the combination of the restrictive clause in the first paragraph augmented by a hyphenated phrase. Here it may be a value judgement as to whether the hyphenated phrase in the introductory paragraph actually modifies the restrictive clause. It would seem that clarity is more important; that can be achieved by simplification. If the objective of the executive summary is to "Tell me how to think about this subject," (Strategies for Technical Communication, 276), then it is quite relevant to be very aware of the reader's ability to understand the sentences. That comes through syntax. Beyond that lies semantics and pragmatics. All of these contribute to precise language that is an absolute requirement in an abbreviated document.
Cited:
Gurak, L. J., Hocks, M. E., The Technical Communication Handbook, 2009, Pearson, NY
Gurak, L. J., Lannon, J. M., Strategies for Technical Communication, Third Edition, 2015, Pearson, NY
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Examples:
1.) NASA's Exploration Systems Architecture Study (64 pages): In relation to lunar and Mars missions, the brief outlines all of the requirements including the ground rules, the exploration vehicles, the launch vehicles, timetables, cost, among just a few of the highlights. It's broken down into over two dozen categories under the title of "Executive Summary."
https://www.nasa.gov/pdf/140631main_ESAS_01.pdf
2.) Lessons Learned from the Fukushima Nuclear Accident for Improving Safety of U.S. Nuclear Plants. Yet another fine example with essential categories of causes, recommendations, risk assessment, regulatory improvements and emergency response, published in 2014 by the National Academies Press.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK253923/
3.) Grey Literature and Emergency Risk. Outside the usual channels of communication is a vast storehouse of information drawn on when the usual channels prove inadequate. Found at the World Health Organization (WHO) is a 29 page summary by a team of specialists of where to look, using flowcharts, creating a competent staff, establishing trust combined with using social media to "promote health protection."
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